Monday, March 30, 2015
Olivia: Week 1 and 2
This post took me a long time to write. It started off as a one week post. Then all of a sudden we were two weeks in. And as much as I hoped to hit publish last Thursday, here it is the following Monday. Maybe the title should be Week 2 and 1/2?
Time flies with a newborn. I also struggled to put into words all of the emotions and thoughts flowing through me on a daily basis.
Everything people tell you about becoming a mom is more true than I ever imagined. You really don't know until it happens. There is no preparation for the overwhelming feelings of love and protection the second you hear the first cry and/or see your baby. For me it was a smack in the face in the very first minutes and has only grown stronger with each passing day. I didn't know my heart could grow so much for my baby, my husband, and my life.
I thought there were some tough times when I was pregnant. Tired, nausea, overall being uncomfortable 24/7. Labor is also difficult. My was long and horrible and I would do it all over again to bring Olivia into the world. Having a newborn is also difficult. It is a LOT of WORK. The whole pregnancy thing seems like a dream come true compared to some of the sleepless nights and tiring days we have experienced in the last two weeks. But surprisingly, here we are all still alive and very much loving each other.
Our days fly by without me knowing exactly what happened. There are the feedings, the sleeping, and the changings. Those are a given. The times that stick in my mind though are the little moments. When she grabs my fingers or looks at me with her big blue eyes I couldn't imagine being anywhere else, nor do I want to be anywhere else. And oh when you see the man you love, your partner, love something you both created with as much tender care as you would have, only different in his unique way, I lose it all over again.
I have had moments when I think about how things will be different; things are different. Our few outings have taken much longer to prepare for and plan out. I know we won't be able to jump on a train and spend the day in NYC at the last minute but I don't care.
It is funny how so very different things are today than I ever imagined them to be. What I thought would be hard is easy and those easy things are at times horribly hard. It's amazing how all of that disappears though with a little snuggle time.
This week is just me and her for the first time. I am both excited and horrified as to what may occur all at the same time. Just when I feel like we have a routine, a knowledge as to what to do, things get switched up. First it was the hospital, then it was home with Mr. J and now it is the two of us. Regardless, I know it will be wonderful and any bad things will magically be forgotten in a day, an hour or even minutes after happening.